The last major eclipse in 1999 feels like a natural marker in time

There is a particular kind of drift in living a life that isn't really yours. It happens when you follow the cookie-cutter path, play the role, meet everyone else's expectations and collect the things you were told would make you happy, while gradually losing touch with yourself.

You can have the respectable job, home, relationship, routine and responsibilities and still feel restless, numb, trapped or quietly miserable. From the outside, everything may look "fine," but fine can be one of the most dangerous places to remain because it doesn't feel bad enough to leave, even though it doesn't feel alive enough to stay.

Your mind knows when you're pretending and your body knows when you're constantly overriding yourself. The disconnection can appear as anxiety, exhaustion, resentment, physical tension, illness, unhealthy coping mechanisms or a persistent feeling that something is missing. Your relationships suffer because it's difficult to connect honestly with other people when you're disconnected from yourself, and your sense of purpose becomes harder to hear beneath the noise of everything you think you should be doing.

Philosophers and psychologists have been warning us about this for centuries. Kierkegaard described one form of despair as being unwilling to be yourself. Nietzsche urged us to "become who you are." Carl Jung believed that the privilege of a lifetime was becoming who you truly are, while Carl Rogers argued that psychological wellbeing grows as we close the gap between our real self and the person we believe we're supposed to be.

Modern wisdom calls it authenticity, alignment or intentional living, but the message is much the same: a meaningful life can't be built entirely from other people's expectations. That doesn't mean abandoning everyone you love, blowing up your life or acting on every passing impulse. It means becoming honest about what matters to you, what no longer fits and where you've been shrinking, performing or betraying yourself in order to stay safe, liked or acceptable.

And while you're working it out, stop attacking yourself for not having done it sooner. I loved this reminder from Seth Godin: "Beating yourself up. Is it helping? You wouldn't stand by passively if someone else was beating you up. Perhaps we shouldn't accept it when we do it."

You're not too old, too far behind or too late to change your life. Today is a new day, and if you're alive, that is a blessing — and an opportunity. There is no single timetable for a human life. Some people discover what matters to them early; others begin again at 50, 60, 70 or beyond. The years you've already lived aren't proof that you've missed your chance. They are the experience, wisdom, resilience and self-knowledge you get to bring into what comes next. You can regret your choices without turning regret into a life sentence. You can outgrow an identity, change your mind and choose again.

Wear the thing. Make the thing. Apply for the job. Start the business. Write the book. Get healthy. Get sober. Learn the skill. Leave what is harming you. Tell someone you love them. Travel, create, speak up or begin again.

Nobody is thinking about you as much as you imagine, and most people are too consumed by their own lives to spend much time judging yours. The people who sit on the sidelines criticising others are often doing very little with their own lives. Ignore the haters — or, more accurately, stop giving them the authority to shape your future. Their opinion isn't a plan for your life. Do it anyway.

Look back over your own life between eclipses — or simply over the last year — and ask yourself:

Then take one honest step today. You don't need the perfect plan, permission or complete confidence. Confidence usually comes after action, not before it. Starting creates clarity, and clarity creates confidence. Tell the truth, make the call, set the boundary, begin the work or ask for help. You don't need to become somebody else. Perhaps the next chapter of your life is about finally becoming more fully yourself.